The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (2024)

Table of Contents
1 | "It's just a flesh wound." 2 | "That is my least vulnerable spot." 3 | "This building has to be at least….three timesbigger than this!" 4 | "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." 5 | "Yeah, but I shoot with this hand." 6 | "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight." 7 | "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s." 8 | "Martini. Gin, not vodka. Obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth." 9 | "'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!" 10 | "I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [Someone catcallsher.] I object!" 11 | "We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for.... One million dollars." 12 | "He might be okay. [Beat. Huge explosion.] Well, no, probably not now." 13 | "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." 14 | "I'm in a glass case of emotion!" 15 | "That rug really tied the room together, did it not?" 16 | "I'll have what she's having." 17 | "This is my wife." 18 | "It's like I have ESPN or something." 19 | "Is that all he said?" 20 | "No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!" 21 | "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room." 22 | "Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler." 23 | "It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy." 24 | "I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. 25 | "It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one." 26 | "Did Doogie Houser just steal my ... car?" 27 | "Shotgun." 28 | "Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern." 29 | "Faulkner is cauc...asian. Well, they got that wrong, because you're obviously white." 30 | "As if!"

Herewith, we've collected the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen. And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time.

1 | "It's just a flesh wound."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (1)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

— The Black Knight (John Cleese)to King Arthur (GrahamChapman), after losing both arms in the heat of combat. For more laughs, check out the30 Funniest Sitcoms Of All Time.

2 | "That is my least vulnerable spot."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (2)

Casablanca (1942)

— Captain Renault (Claude Rains) to Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) when Rick points a gun at the captain's heart. For more classic quips, check out these 37 Movies Every Man Over 40 Should Be Able to Quote.

3 | "This building has to be at least….three timesbigger than this!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (3)

Zoolander (2001)

— Derek Zoolander (BenStiller), offering criticism to a miniature model of the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Do Other Stuff Good Too. And for more cinematic trivia, don't missThe 30 Worst Movie Endings of All Time.

4 | "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (4)

Airplane (1980)

— Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen) responding to "Surely, you can't be serious." And for more fun with language, check out the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny.

5 | "Yeah, but I shoot with this hand."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (5)

Blazing Saddles (1974)

— Jim (Gene Wilder), demonstrating his irrepressibly shaky hand to Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little).

6 | "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (6)

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

— Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt) dishing on her new "diet."

7 | "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (7)

Deadpool (2016)

—Deadpool (RyanReynolds), being Deadpool. And for more (albeit tamer) quips from the Merc with a Mouth, read up on Ryan Reynolds' 30 Funniest Tweets.

8 | "Martini. Gin, not vodka. Obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (8)

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

— Eggsy (Taron Egerton), schooling his bartender on the one-and-only way to make a martini.

9 | "'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (9)

The Incredibles (2004)

— Honey (Kimberly Adair Clark)to Lucius Best (Samuel L. Jackson), also known as the superhero Frozone, who wants to bail on dinner and save the world from imminent destruction.

10 | "I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [Someone catcallsher.] I object!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (10)

Legally Blonde (2001)

— Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), in her video essay application to Harvard Law School.

11 | "We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for.... One million dollars."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (11)

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

— Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), after recently waking from decades-long cryogenic freezing, completely missing the concept of inflation.

12 | "He might be okay. [Beat. Huge explosion.] Well, no, probably not now."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (12)

Groundhog Day (1993)

— Larry the cameraman (Chris Elliott)after Phill Connors (Bill Murray)drives off a cliff with Punxastawney Phil.

13 | "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (13)

The Godfather (1972)

— Peter Clemenza (Richard Castellano), giving instructions to a mafia henchman. (For your trivia nights: This legendary line was improvised.)

14 | "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (14)

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

— Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) lamenting the supposed death of his dog, Baxter.

15 | "That rug really tied the room together, did it not?"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (15)

The Big Lebowski (1998)

— Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) lamenting with The Dude (Jeff Bridges) about the latter's recently befouled rug.The Big Lebowski (1998)

16 | "I'll have what she's having."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (16)Columbia Pictures

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

— Random patron to the waiter after witnessing Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) fake an orgasm in the middle of Katz's Delicatessen.

17 | "This is my wife."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (17)

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)

— Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen) introducing, well, his wife (and unwittingly spawning an immensely popular Twitter meme).

18 | "It's like I have ESPN or something."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (18)

Mean Girls (2004)

— Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried) telling Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) about her fifth sense.

19 | "Is that all he said?"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (19)

Lost in Translation (2003)

— Bob Harris (Murray) expressing surprise after a lengthy directive in Japanese is translated into "He wants you to turn, look in camera."

20 | "No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (20)

Dumb and Dumber (1994)

— Harry Dunne(Jeff Daniels) responding to a police officer ordering him to pull over.

21 | "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (21)

Dr. Strangelove (1964)

— President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) breaking up a physical altercation.

22 | "Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (22)

Office Space (1999)

— Milton Waddams (Stephen Roots) trying to get his beloved stapler back.

23 | "It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (23)

Bridesmaids (2011)

— Annie Walker (Kristen Wiig) justifying her tears of joy to Helen (Rose Byrne), her consistently impeccable rival.

24 | "I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (24)

National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)

— Van Wilder (Reynolds) dishing out some grade-A life advice.

25 | "It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (25)

The Hangover (2009)

— Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis) defending his sartorial choices.

26 | "Did Doogie Houser just steal my ... car?"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (26)

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

— Harold Lee (John Cho) reacting to Neil Patrick Harris (Neil Patrick Harris), well, stealing his car.

27 | "Shotgun."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (27)

Identity Thief (2013)

— Diana Budgie (Melissa McCarthy) to Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) after Patterson bends over backwards to convince her to get back in the car. They're the only two passengers.

28 | "Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (28)

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

— Steve Zissou (Murray) defending his crew from pirates.

29 | "Faulkner is cauc...asian. Well, they got that wrong, because you're obviously white."

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (29)

Hunt for the Wilderpeople(2016)

— Ricky Baker (JulianDennison), on the run with his uncle (Sam Neill), reading a wanted poster.

30 | "As if!"

The 30 Funniest Movie Lines of All Time (30)

Clueless (1995)

— Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) tossing out her catchphrase. For more from history's most clueless decade, learn these 20 Slang Terms From the 1990s No One Uses Anymore.

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